Welcome to Chennai

Chennai is an excellent place to be at. Temperature is about 40 degrees but since I am used to that in Delhi, its ok. Chennai has a feeling of a small place. Roads are at max two lanes wide with even flyovers that are only two lanes. Chennai has got huge huge hoarding and needless to say, I love them. Some of the interesting hoardings, I would want to click them but I don't have the camera right now are "saree with pocket", "reversible saree", "murugan idlee", etc. Chennai also has a lot of neon light and its a pleasure to walk in the evening.

Chennai has good book stores, picturesque homes and bylanes. Its a dream come true for anyone with an eye for detail, a camera and a weird sense of humor. Some things that I would have clicked are - people walking, cycling, driving bikes bare foot, people with folded lungis, people with maggi type hair, death defying stunts of drivers etc. Chennai has got double decker buses, two buses connected with rubber tubes and normal busses too.

Driving in Chennai is a good experience. I think Chennai roads should be used for training F1 drivers. People are not scared of dying on Chennai roads and in the game of chicken, both the drivers would rather die than choosing to live. Autowallas can turn anywhere they want to even if its a wall or a pedestrian or a bus. Bikers are no less. I think its the Dhoom aftermath, everyone wants to do stunts on the bikes. I am not sure how Schumi would have done on the Chennai tracks and what Mr. Biaggi would have done with Biking. Helmet is not required on the roads by law but more people in Chennai use helmets than in Delhi for obvious reasons.

Autowallahs are out their to loot you. They all are on a day light robbery mission. I am sure that with the kind of money these autowallahs make, they would have a few mercs or even a Rolls-Royce in their garages. Advisory for anyone traveling to Chennai. The acceptable fare is 2/3rd of what the autowallahs quote in the first time. The trick it to announce that you go everyday and you know 2/3rd is the fair fare and then start walking towards another autowallah and you shall get it. Its like bargaining in Palika or Janpath or Sarojini. But autowallahs is a nuisance and comfort. Local buses are bad because you don't know half the places and buses are numbers 10A, 10B, 23C etc and if you board the C bus instead of the A bus you might end up in a different part of the city altogether. I somehow managed to find the Chennai bus route guide and I am still confused! Autowallahs don't have a horn on the autos. They use a bhonpoo (if you guys know what it is) and make a distinct squeaking sound. First time I heard that sound, I forgot the sound Mumbaikars make for calling someone (For those who dint know this, Mumbaikars would make a kissing sound to call people - its same as calling "Hello" or "Oye" in Delhi).

Chennai Police is awesome. They are the best across the country I think. When Delhi got the Toyota Qualises for patrolling on roads, it was said that Delhi cops are state-of-the-art but Chennai has managed to beat us mere mortals delhites again. Chennai cops have Hyundai Accents as patrol cars. Bikes, gone are days of Bullets and CD100s that we have in Delhi. They have Fiero F2s, CBZs, Pulsars of the world. If this was not enough, all the police vehicles are loaded with loud speakers and cops love to taunt on people through public address systems. Its very common to see cops driving through even the posh-est and best localities in Chennai and throwing obscenities on people. Busy market place, Empty road, Crossing, they are everywhere and screaming on people. I was standing outside a shop and eating some local variant of mango pickle when even I was shouted at. The shopkeeper had to tell me to move away from the road - all by the sign language !

Since I am talking about the food, I must say food is not bad at all. I did not expect Chennai to be a foodies paradise. Chennai has got good places. I even had paranthas at a couple of places and they were almost as good as the dhaba paranthas that we get in Delhi and Haryana highway. It has got good Mexican, Thai, Chinese, Mughlai, north Indian - all kinds of food. I even had golgappas aka panipuris aka puchkkas. And by the way I have hated South Indian food all my life and it is not bad at all. I actually managed to like the Sambhar and Rice. Tamilians eat rice with their hands and they do it with such a dexterity that only the five fingers are dirty after eating. I tried eating with my hands and I could manage a handful of them in my mouth and a lot on my clothes and a lot of grins from the people in the restaurant.

Language is difficult part. Its dravidian and its difficult to pick, learn, speak or understand. There are no common words. If you are from Delhi and you go to Gujarat or Maharashtra or UP or Bihar or Bengal you can pick a few words but Chennai - no sir. You can not. The only few words I have managed to learn are inge (here), one (oon), yes (aama), no (illae), home (veedhu). There is something else that I have learnt but its better understood that said. I cant even watch the TV :(.

Talking of the idiot box, Chennai is CAS enabled and my guest house aint got it. The only channels I can make some sense out of are NDTV Profit, FTV, DD1, Sanskar, GOD TV and Zoom. I think last time I was happy watching DD1 was in 1994 when Zee TV was about to be launched. Apart from these 6-7 channels, I have an array of networks from Sun, Surya, Gemini, Raj etc to DD Malayalam, DD Kannada even DD Bengali all with a music channel, news channel, movie channel each. Thankfully the TV has just got 50 channels - saves a lot of misery of finding a Hindi or English channel. Oh by the way there is one channel that displays the clock all the time(yes it IS a channel - not a "feature" of the television set) and another channel that says FM and it has the text FM on it and is actually a radio channel. And yes this FM channel is on TV. I have tried watching a few sitcoms but I have fail to understand anything - even the casting. The average heroine is 30 odd years old, fair, medium height, 36-32-36 (I think they like it heavy around the waist) a lot of revealing clothes and an average hero is at least 44, thick mustaches, very dark, untucked shirt, huge belly (at least 40 inches) and at times a moustache. And the best part is that they actually manage to dance like Michael Jackson. And people make temples, line up for two days to get a ticket, shoot each-other for a movie ticket and what not.

Ever since I have landed in Chennai, my ego has got a huge boost. For the first time in my life, I am actually fairer than most of the girls! In Delhi, I was fairer than about 5% guys (cant even talk about girls) and here I am with all that it takes to be a hero. Well almost. I am still to grow from 24 to 40 (another 16 years) and eat to grow my 37 inches on waist to 40 - I am close). I think right now I will be happy working where I am !!!!